Today, I'm 22.
Do you know the saying, "nobody really tells you how hard getting older is"? Well, my mother told me this. I never believed her. But after the year I've had, I definitely understand what she means now. Most 21-year-olds are in college, drinking till stomachs are pumped, but I definitely found myself out of the bars, and smack in the middle of adulthood. Harsh and cold. Naked on the bathroom floor. Drowning in new credit card debt because of those shiny toys I just needed to have. Looking at literally everyone around you and asking yourself, WTF why am I not perfect yet?! And swirling in emotions because that's what you do. Running your own business will do this to you.
And I guess that sums up my year.
Sounds dramatic, but it hit me hard. I can't help but think of all the struggles this year. Including when I stood up for myself in a sexual harassment scandal. Which I am still dealing with and scared out of my mind to start talking about. Thought my mother had breast cancer for a while, and watched my sister literally almost drown in a relationship that left her with a stolen virtue and blue bruises on a cold wet floor. And not just my sister, my best friend too. This is just the tip of the iceberg.
No one ever tells you how hard getting older is. Because everything becomes so real. Too real. I wish I could say that I put all of this frustration into my work, but I didn't. There are just some things that hit really hard and leave you confused. I cut myself off from a lot of people.
But after it all, I also had one of the best years of my life. All these things made me stronger- and I don't mean to have this sad tone to this blog post, but it's real and happening in my life. It was a year full of doubts and sadness for sure, but some amazing moments too. A lot of hanging my head out of the window listening to the best music with some pretty amazing people. Dancing in streets, and understanding what real love is. But most importantly, standing up for who I am and what I believe in.
So many fun adventures- especially my latest one. Moab is one of my favorite places to be for sure. Sun- and warm sand... Mmm. But it was also my last adventure being 21 years old. So had to go out with an amazing shoot/adventure.
But overall, it's been such a memorable year, so bottoms up to another incredible yet challenging turn around the sun. I am so happy I got to share my adventures with all of you. Cheers to another crazy year, and more bewildering moments that make us undeniably who we are.
Here are some self -portraits from this last year-